he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you never un-have a 4some
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
