we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
