I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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