Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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