yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
