I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I miss vodka workout Fridays
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
