Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Church boner. Awkwardddd
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
