my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
