I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
