these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
