So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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