It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
