Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
