All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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