Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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