I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
