god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
