im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
