Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The power of my boobs compel you
I believe in your delicious
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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