also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
