I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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