There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He better not be in your backpack
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
