are you still at the devil's house?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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