She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize