after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
