I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize