i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
