When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
