Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
