you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
