hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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