Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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