Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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