It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
