girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
