TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
