Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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