He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
