i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
