Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize