May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
