We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
