That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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