The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
