what day is it and did you see me today?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize