I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
we're so committed to being not committed
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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