I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
