This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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