I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And then my night got REAL pukey
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
