8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
