I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
