I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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