At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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