We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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