He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
