What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
