is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
