it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
