my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
