someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
