Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
