i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
