gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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