I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
