Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
