Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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