just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
